Secret Baby Notes: life with diabetes
This week I am sharing some posts that I saved as drafts about being pregnant. I call them “Secret Baby Notes” because I wrote most of them before we shared our news with the world. I wrote all of them quickly and never read them again until recently – boy, am I so glad I took the time to record those thoughts as I will cherish each of them forever. I hope you enjoy them.
***Originally written on January 6, February 6 & 26, 2011***
spilling the beans with my best gal, Janel – we got to swap pregnancy woes :), Jan. 2011
January 6, 2011: Yesterday I hopped over to the labs and had my urine test to prove positive pregnancy and to start the ball rolling on a Continuous Glucose Monitor. I also had blood work for my most recent A1C count (test to check my blood sugar averages over the last 3 months). I’ve had this lab work done countless times since becoming a Type 1 diabetic in June, 2001. Holy Cow, 2011 marks my 10 year anniversary with diabetes!
I could tell I was feeling hungry when I sat down in the chair and when the gal jammed my vein while changing viles I nearly passed out. She made me lay down and she said I had to drink juice. Good thing, too, since I could feel my color disappear. Ten minutes later I was up and running again and when I be-bopped home after grocery shopping, I was excited to see a test result message waiting in my email inbox. I clicked and saw the “positive” result and gave a little grin. I know that you are there but now it is a little more official.
And when I got home this evening, I saw yet another test result waiting to be read. I was a little nervous for this one and since there are several clicks to get to the actual A1C result, I got a little more hesitant before doing a double take. I read the results – 6.7 and I couldn’t believe my eyes. I immediately checked the date of the message again…yes, Jan. 4. Then I went back to my labs from Nov. 2 and they said 7.7. It stung a little after getting those results because I had worked so hard this summer to get them down to 6.9. I had them under 7 which was my green light to start healthy baby planning. But then the 7.7 kinda knocked me on my butt so imagine my surprise when I saw that after a mere two months of being conscious and striving for more balanced blood sugars we found our way to 6.7. What a blessing and I feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders knowing that we have brought you around under the best diabetes condition I have been in for many, many years…maybe even close to 10 years if I’m being honest. Phew…
February 6, 2011: All in all, life with diabetes can be hard. There are some times when I forget that you are even there because I am so caught up tracking, adjusting, changing sites, refilling prescriptions, checking blood sugars, and on and on for diabetes. I am working my butt off to stay on top of these numbers – emailing weekly reports back and forth with my doctors and adjusting to this continuous glucose monitor. This CGM has been so great and so overwhelming sometimes. I still cry like a big fat baby, no offense, when I have to insert a site because it just magnifies all the annoying and terrifying things I normally downplay living with diabetes. But when I’m sitting there at the table with that quickserter in my hands and that extra giant needle staring back at me, I break down wishing there was some other way to live a “normal” life and pregnancy. But the reality is that this is my normal and I’m doing my darndest to make it the most normal for you and this CGM can get us that much closer. It’s worth it.
February 26, 2011: Week nine was met with a series of breakdowns for me. None related to you but mostly stemming from the fact that I have diabetes and I want you to be oh-so-healthy. The continuous glucose monitor was such a blessing and a curse. I sat down to insert it one night giving myself a pep talk to be brave and not cry this time so I took 12 deep breaths and after only a little hesitation, I did it. But then I sort of freaked a little and Dan had to come and help me finish and then we accidentally pulled the site off. And it bled. And I lost it like I’ve never lost it before. Mostly because I was so unhappy and bitter that I had to deal with having a sensor in the first place but also because it meant that all my being brave had just been canceled and I would have to go through it all again. I was in a dark place. I cried all night and refused to try again for two days. I’m not proud. After some reflection and a good conversation with my mama, I got up the courage to allow Dan to try to insert it for me. I know that sounds like the easy thing to do, and it was, but giving up that kind of control with that kind of a needle is a big, big deal. Trust me. So he inserted my new site and it went great. We have found a rhythm and Dan is my new site inserter hero. I don’t know if I will ever be able to do it to myself again but how wonderful that I have someone like Dan. I am so very thankful.
Update on Oct 8, 2011: During pregnancy my A1C continued to improve with the help of my continuous glucose monitor (and Dan!) and tight contact with my doctors. I was so happy to see that my latest result one week before baby girl came into the world was my best number ever at a 6.0!
***Stay tuned for the next “Secret Baby Notes: the Baby Jay”***