breathing and blooming
Dan and I spent the better part of an hour working on our garden this evening. Turns out our organic soil and tomato plants really like our (finally) hot Colorado days. Along with the outrageous limbs came some weeds as well. After staking and tying up the overgrown limbs, I pulled the now visible weeds. Man, oh man do I completely relate to our garden right now. Yes, there is growth and fruit is coming on strong. Yes, things really are great but, man…do I feel the weeds creeping up in.
This seems to always happen at crossroads in my life. I’ll try not to get too deep on you all right now but I feel like I have just gotten the groove of this summer job thing. And I really like it. But the week after next will bring big, serious changes. As in…no SUMMER job fling but a real live actual salary job. I have been out of that world for two years so the thoughts of being my own time manager and my own motivator are pretty scary to me at this point. (And while it is scary, I am so thankful to have the opportunity!!)
I know I can be a great teacher. The time away from a formal teacher position has been good for my soul and I know now more than ever that this is my choice and no one is making me be a teacher. I need to know that in order to be successful. I am excited. I can’t wait to meet my students and get to know their quirks. I am excited to work with students who are easy going and eager. All of these things excite me.
However, in the little times between getting ready for the next day and actually living out the daily plans, I feel the weeds creeping up my legs. I haven’t let them take over but I know they are there rooting for me to suffer – telling me I don’t have a good (or any!) strategic plan to my teaching year. Begging me to get bogged down with the nitty gritty unimportant details. And when those things start winning, I start feeling my day slipping away.
I let yesterday get away from me. I let the change of plans ruin my outlook and then I let myself sabotage the afternoon. Luckily, the races pulled together and our free tickets, food and entertainment were enough for me to just GET OVER MYSELF. But I still had some insecurities today. I need to expect less. I can do this. I will do this. It will be great.
I can see that I need to trust the trail and that it will take me down the right roads. No more weeds. Stick to the map and the days will be just fine and, along the way, let the light shine in and burn up all those pesky weeds.