70 x 7

I am what you might call a good diabetic.  I test a lot.  I take my insulin.  I change my pump site often.  I carb count.  I keep up with my doctor appointments.  I do the right things but sometimes it is not enough.   

Diabetes is selfish. 

It is needy and can ruin your day. 

And then I have to spend the rest of the night recovering and trying to figure out what went wrong.  This month has been a particularly difficult for me to live with diabetes.  Ever since my 517, things have been all over the place.  A lot of problems but not a lot of solutions. 

I can’t help that my cannula was bent on three occasions this month.  The last time that happened before now was an isolated incident in February and even then it was strange. 

I am an excessive tester.  I check before bed and one time my glucometer said 94 and then I woke up to 460!  There is no reason for that. 

On one occasion, I actually forgot to put my pump back on after a shower.  I slept all night and instantly knew that life was not good when I woke up.  Another 400. 

And for today…I enjoyed some terrific pizza today with Lisa and Andi.  I know, I know…pizza does weird things for diabetics.  But I was careful.  I took extra insulin and I checked my blood sugar later to follow up.  It was around 150, not bad.  But when I got home this evening I just kept telling Dan how bad I felt.  My head hurt.  I thought I might have gotten too much sun because we worked outside today.  I was thirsty so I figured I didn’t drink enough water.  I was sore but we painted on the driveway all day.  All of my symptoms were justified until I took my blood sugar.  It was 561.  Suddenly, the pain in my lower back and shoulders, the throbbing in my head, the dry mouth, and the trips to the bathroom all made sense.   

My body was mad at me and I was mad a diabetes. 

I cried. 

Dan was good to me and after a lot of correction insulin, a lot of water and a lot of ibuprofen, I managed to keep my eyes open for The Office but then I was done.  I just woke up and life seems a little better but I am still mad at diabetes.  I know I will feel a little less angry tomorrow but sometimes I just sigh while thinking about trying harder.  I do.  I am.   And if I really stopped trying so hard things would be a lot worse. 

So I have to keep trying.  Eventhough I know that with any disease, and especially diabetes, it stays.  It does not go away and it is selfish.  But I have to forgive it again.

Something for me to think about tonight:

“Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times (or seventy times seven).'” (Matthew 18:21-22)


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